What the heck is “Manipulate🕹, Moonsplain🌙, Murder-Bears🧸"?
An intro to the blog, and why you might want to subscribe
Here’s a quick Q&A about my blog, for new and prospective subscribers!
What the heck is “Manipulate🕹️, Moonsplain🌙, Murder-Bears🧸”?
It’s just a blog. It’s my blog. Welcome!
But…who are you?
I’m Luke T. Harrington. I’m a writer. I’ve published a literary horror novel and a Christian humor book.
Literary horror and Christian humor? I bet the ladies can’t keep their hands off you.
My wife tends to beat them up before they get too close.
Tell me about your books. I’ve heard you’re the next Hemingway.
Well…I don’t like to brag, but I am always drunk, and I do like cats way too much.1
My books, though, have fewer old men and fewer seas than you’re probably hoping for. My horror debut was called Ophelia, Alive: A Ghost Story, and it was published by the now-defunct Post Mortem Press back in 2016. In 2020, HarperCollins Christian Publishing put out my nonfiction debut, Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem: Strange Stories from the Bible to Leave You Amused, Bemused, and (Hopefully) Informed. Both of them won a few minor awards and sold a few thousand copies—fairly respectable, as far as these things go, but not really successful enough to make any serious waves.
It’s possible I should have used a pseudonym for one or both. Turns out “guy who writes literary horror and also Christian humor” isn’t a marketable category in any known galaxy.
But 2020 was a long time ago. What have you been doing since?
Well…a year after Murder-Bears came out, I managed to land a literary agent with another horror novel, so I thought I’d focus on “dark fiction” going forward. Since then, though, no publisher has shown any interest in my work, so I’m just languishing in obscurity. Y’know, like all the great authors do. Wait till I die, though—then my work will be worth millions.
What are you doing on Substack?
I came here because it seemed like the place that all the kool kid writers were going, and I wanted to be a kool kid too. This is a fairly casual blog, though—I don’t really have a “beat” or anything; I just sort of write about whatever’s on my mind.
If you’re looking for a “taste” of what this blog is about, here are a few of my most popular and/or favorite pieces:
If you wanted to summarize this blog, you could say it’s my attempt to make sense of an unruddered and dehumanized world. I write a fair amount about pop culture, but also technology, philosophy, religion, humor, junk food, video games, and musicals. Y’know—all the important stuff.
How often do you publish?
About once a week. A typical month around here looks like this:
Week 1, I publish a “monthly update.” This is just a little “snack” post, with a short essay about what’s new with me; a recommendation of a book, movie, or something else; a poll for readers; and a link to an older essay. A fun hangout piece.
Week 2, I publish a short-short story. Five hundred quick words of fiction, to keep my game sharp and to placate the masses wondering when my next novel is coming out.
Week 3, I publish my ongoing Q&A column, “Ask a church receptionist,” where I answer your questions about the Bible, Christianity, and anything else. Yes, I am a real, honest-to-God church receptionist, and yes, I did literally write the book on the Bible. Typically, this is the only time I write about religion around here, but I try to keep it pretty open and accessible—it’s for anyone curious about this stuff, not just for hardcore believers. (To submit a question, email luke.t.harrington@gmail.com, or just DM me here on Substack.)
Week 4, I publish a “feature”—this is typically a longer essay like the ones I linked to above, although I’ll occasionally publish a short story or some poetry, if I feel like it. I also sometimes dip my toes into culture war bullshit in this section, because that’s what gets clicks, but I try to keep it positive and tasteful.
What’s your blog’s name mean? “Manipulate🕹️, Moonsplain🌙, Murder-Bears🧸”? What is that?
It’s a reference to the (minor, short-lived) internet meme “manipulate, mansplain, malewife,” which you can read about here, if you really care. I thought it was a funny meme, and I almost just named the blog “Manipulate, Mansplain, Malewife”—but then I realized that it sounded pretty negative, and I figured most people wouldn’t get the joke, so I just mashed it together with the title of my book and called it a day. In the years since, though, the name has grown on me—I like that it doesn’t really mean anything, so I feel free to take things in any direction I want.
K, but what’s with the obnoxious emojis?
I added them in a low-effort attempt to make my blog stand out. I’ll keep them in the title until everyone else starts doing it, at which point I will remove them and sagely declare that putting emojis in your blog’s name is cringe.
Before I read anything you write, I need assurance that our political views are in 100% agreement.
…what? Why would you need that? Why would you want that? Isn’t the whole point of reading to broaden your thinking and introduce yourself to new ideas?
If you really want to nail down my political convictions, I’d say they’re broadly in the “Christian Left” tradition, which means I have trouble caring much about politics in my home country, the U.S.—should I support the party that hates leftists and eats the souls of Christians, or the party that hates Christians and eats the souls of leftists? If you’re one of those people who feels “politically homeless” these days, we’ll probably be good friends. But we’ll be good friends regardless! I’m super nice/cool.
In any case, I really don’t have the talents or temperament necessary for becoming a politician or an activist (or even a pundit), so I promise my political views pose no material threat to anyone.
Is this a paid newsletter?
Slightly. I paywall an article every month-and-a-half or so. I’m not trying to get rich here—just to create a fun li’l community on the interwebs. But if you like what I’m doing and want to read more of it, feel free to become a paid subscriber!
Are there any benefits for signing up?
You bet! Everyone who signs up to receive new posts in their email inbox—including free subscribers!—gets a digital copy of my debut novel, Ophelia, Alive.
Paid subscribers get even more benefits:
Anyone who signs up for a monthly paid subscription ($5/month) gets digital copies of Ophelia, Alive and Murder-Bears, Moonshine, and Mayhem!
Anyone who signs up for an annual paid subscription ($50/year) gets both digital books, plus a signed paperback of their choice!
Anyone who becomes a “founding” member ($200/year or more) gets both digital books, and both signed paperbacks!
Additionally, I run a random drawing for a signed paperback for all new subscribers, every month!
If all that sounds good, enter your email address below:
Why are you giving away your books? Are they worthless?
I mean, I think they’re pretty good. I worked hard on them, and they both have lots of explosions in them, which are what make books good.
But giving them away has some pretty clear benefits: (1) it gets them in front of more eyes, and (2) it encourages more signups for the Substack. It’s win-win.
If you really object, feel free to register your protest by buying them both for money.
Is there anything else I should know?
Just that I’m glad you’re here and I like you just the way you are. I’m like Mister Rogers, but with better taste in clothes.
Here’s the subscribe button again!
This is a joke. I haven’t had a drink in years (I was tired of feeling crummy and gaining weight), and I’m allergic to cats (though I do enjoy their company on occasion).
Subscribing so maybe someday I can figure out why the u's, l's and e's in your logo are green when the other letters are white.
Current theory is it's a secret message trying to spell "ukelele" but your blog title doesn't have a "k" so it has the right number of letters, just the wrong letters.
My middle school son loves the Murder bears book and references it regularly (like 1-2 times per month, after reading it 1.5 ish years ago). “Isn’t there a story in the Bible where…” - often the rest is something about poop, but I’ll take it! It’s an interesting, thought-provoking book that makes the Bible accessible and relatable in a way that increases people faith and admiration for it. Definitely I recommend it.