Let’s talk about (sigh) “plotting” vs. “pantsing” (Monthly update #7)

Also: weightlifting, streaming, Spaceman

Do y’all know about the “plotting vs. pantsing” thing? As with a lot of aspects of modern fiction-writing culture, I find the terminology cutesy to the point of cringe, but it does point to a real divide: Should you “plot” your book out, with an outline and the like, or just make it up as you go along (i.e., “fly by the seat of your pants”)? There are advantages to both, and I think most writers do at least a little bit of each, but most of us have a preference, and certain people like to argue about it.

Anyway, the other day, I sent this meme I found on Reddit to my friend K. B.:

Tortured grammar aside (you’re telling me a writer made this meme?), the meta-joke to all of this is that K. B. is a hardcore “plotter” and I am very much a “pantser.”¹ Her writing process always begins with an extremely detailed outline, which isn’t something I could ever get to work for me—it always led to plots that felt forced and emotional moments that didn’t quite resonate.

Either way, though, I thought she’d find it funny, and she did, but she responded with “😅 I just finished writing another book!”—which, great, thanks, K. B., for reminding me how incredibly prolific you are, when I’ve been banging my head against a single draft of a single novel for almost a year now. Makes me wonder if there might be something to this “plotting” thing.

There’s really not, though, at least not for me. As I said, everyone does a little of both, and if you searched my hard drive², you’d find a huge amount of outlines, treatments, character sketches, spreadsheets, and the like for every book I’ve ever written—but all that stuff only ever gets me so far. Ultimately, the only way I can ever know if the book works is by seeing the words on the page—and the only way I can get the words on the page is by showing up, day after day, and banging my face against the keyboard (metaphorically, but sometimes literally).

That’s not the best way to be, if your goal is to actually get things written at a decent clip, but at the end of the day, I have to do what works for me. After all, how many geniuses have torturously labored over their magnum opuses for years at a time?

I mean, a lot, but also, plenty of no-talent hacks have labored over garbage for years. And statistically, I’m more likely to be in that second group.

Oh well! 🕹🌙🧸

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Poll of the moment

I’ve been kicking around the idea of “streaming” books on Twitch or something comparable—that is, reading a book live, on the internet. (It would obviously be something I wrote or something in the public domain—or else I’d seek permission from the author first.)

If I did something like that, would you all watch it?

BTW, if you vote “Yeah,” please let me know in the comments what time would be most convenient for you. 🕹🌙🧸

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Two years ago: Did you know you can just buy weights and start lifting them?

Man, how many times have I liked a tweet to the effect of “Of course my back, and also my entire body, hurts all the time! I’m in my thirties lololololol”? Too many to count, probably. But it actually turns out it’s really hard to have back/joint pain—or, for that matter, to stay fat—if you just (1) eat real food, and (2) lift heavy stuff.

No one will (probably) ever mistake me for a model or a bodybuilder, but since writing this piece, I’ve continued to decrease in overall mass while increasing in general swollness, and it hasn’t even been particularly hard. I eat as much as I want, of whatever I want, and as long as it’s real food (i.e., a recognizable hunk of a plant or animal, and not something made in a lab that rhymes with “eetos”), and as long as I keep lifting, I lose weight. Oh, and I feel amazing. People mentioned the weight loss, but they never mentioned how amazing it would feel (!).

Listen, I know that health-evangelist types are obnoxious, but my only point here is that It’s super easy to feel awesome all the time, and I very much want you (yes, you!) to feel awesome, all the time!

Also, at least I’m not harping on the religion thing again this week?

I don’t want to waste your time (well, maybe a little bit), so let me cut to the chase: (1) I’m pushing forty. (2) I suddenly feel awesome, all the time. (3) I’m not selling anything (except for this book about the butt jokes in the Bible, which you can actually get for free, so).

There are a lot of people out there who make tons of money by leading people to believe that health and fitness are super-complicated, but it turns out that feeling not-like-garbage all the time is a simple, two-step process:

1. Buy some weights;

2. Pick them up.

And honestly, after tearing my hair out for decades trying to get fit, I wish someone had told me this sooner (or, more to the point, that I’d listened to the multiple people who told me this sooner).

What I’m saying here is, I literally just invented exercise, and I am here to share my boundless wisdom with you. Ask me anything… (Read more here!) 🕹🌙🧸

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⬅️ In case you missed it: A few thoughts on the day after Easter

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Stuff I’ve been enjoying lately

In one of the online forums I’ve been frequenting, one of the most active posters is a screenwriter who often shares his stories of the travails of getting his scripts sold and produced. A few months ago, he posted a link to a movie trailer along with the commentary (paraphrasing from memory), “Ugh, this is what’s getting made??? Who is this even for???”

I watched the trailer and then admitted, sheepishly, that I am most definitely the person this movie is for.

The movie, a surreal sci-fi drama released (more or less) direct to Netflix, is called Spaceman, and it stars (of all people) Adam Sandler as a Czech cosmonaut on a solo mission to a mysterious cloud near Jupiter; he’s eventually joined by a giant alien spider who helps him work through his vaguely Freudian issues with his deceased father and the pregnant wife he’s left behind. It’s directed by Johan Renck (of Chernobyl fame) and based on a novel by Jaroslav Kalfař that I haven’t read but now absolutely intend to, in part because I sort of wish I’d written this story myself.

This is the sort of thing that clearly isn’t for everyone, but if you’re me, that’s at least part of the appeal: things for everyone are, y’know, boring. The world already has plenty of superhero movies, so let’s just make some really weird stuff. And Spaceman, whatever else you want to say about it, is absolutely like nothing else out there (though it clearly borrows heavily from stuff like 2001, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and…I dunno, ALF or something).

If you’re in the mood for something pensive and weird, or if you appreciate Sandler as a dramatic actor, I highly recommend you check it out!🕹🌙🧸

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Favorite comment of the month

For me that’s twitter —Katrina Gulliver 🕹🌙🧸

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1. My iPad keeps autocorrecting this to “panther,” which makes me feel pretty cool

2. Actually a mix of solid state drives and cloud storage, but whatever